My Cellphone Died (In Lieu of Flowers…)


tom-5.jpg HELLO GENTLE READERS. It’s your Hillbilly Cyberstar again. My cellphone died and I had to get a new one. I went to the Alltel booth at K-Mart and picked out a new one. I bet it’s real pretty. I have yet to see it! I haven’t rented any time on an Electron Microscope yet but I’m sure it’s pretty. It’s a  Samsung model number 485116789765TP. I think the “TP” at the end designates “Tiny Phone”.

If the phone is so small then why is the manual the size of a suitcase? Believe it or not, there is a section in the front of the manual giving you instructions on how to read the manual. I’m not kidding! It’s in all known languages, including but not limited, to the following: Egyptian Hyroglyphics, Mesopotamian Cuneiform, Aramaic and Incan Pictograph.

I just want to make calls with the darn thing but apparantly this is no longer an option. Goodness, it’s a phone, a browser, a still camera, a video camera, a ditch digger, a sex toy, a lion tamer, a calculator, a refrigerator, a buggy whip, a juggler and an electrician. I plan to hire it out as a plumber as the occasion warrants.

 I WANT MY OLD PHONE BACK! NOW! All I want to do is make and receive calls. That’s all! My cellphone died! The services are Thursday at 1:00 PM. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the Technologically Retarded Association!  tomvickers@suddenink.net

Published in: on March 10, 2008 at 7:53 pm  Comments (1)