Yes, it’s true. I’m an Alien Abductee! This is not an easy confession to make but, make it I must. My family thinks this explains a lot. Well, that and being dropped on my head as a baby.

The first time was quite scary! It was a few months ago…In the middle of the night I was paralyzed and levitated to the “Mother Ship”. It was so cool! There also was a jar of Jiff Peanut Butter being levitated along with me. Odd! These are not normal life events! The ship was astounding. It made the Space Shuttle look like a Conestoga Wagon.

Guess what?…Give up yet?…Ok, times up. Peanut butter sticks to the roof of the Alien’s mouths too. It’s true! In spite of this, they love the stuff (they “spoon” it straight out of the jar). It’s hard to be too scared of an entity with peanut butter stuck to the corner of his mouth. It really shows up on their grey skin. Anyway, we had a real good time flying around, seeing the sights and teasing the F-16 Interceptors. We mostly flew over the friendly skies of Texas. Oh, those Aliens. They just love to “Mess with Texas”!

One of my latest travels with these Cirians (no, not those of the Al Qaida Fan Club) was quite interesting. We had a Botox Party. It was complete with finger foods (peanut butter on Townhouse Crackers) and dance music. One of the Cirianettes could really dance. She was awesome! She made those on “Dancing With The Stars” look like ducks chasing June Bugs.

I’ll keep you updated on my adventures with the Abductors.

P.S. I’m little tired of peanut butter but, I do look ten years younger!  tom vickers