The Dish ran away with the Spoon…

Hello Gentle Readers,

We live on a horse farm with 22 horses and ponies, 6 dogs, 2 rabbits, 5 fish, 2 teenage boys and about 855 farm cats (at last count), not to mention the odd bear, deer, copperhead, raccoon and polecat.

The following is one anecdote from many true stories we hope to write. The names have been changed to protect the innocent and to avoid lawsuits. The cast of characters for these stories is as follows:

Anastasia- a “horny”, 555 pound Blue Butt hog who took unattended walks, searching for her “man-pig”.
Shiloh- a Heinz 57 mixed breed farm dog who escaped the evening before his scheduled neutering.
Shasta- a female puppy who was the reason for Shiloh’s upcoming vet appointment. Jude- a transexual? hen/rooster known in her/his previous persona as Judy. Jude was assigned the female gender by the seller. Truth in advertising?
Josie- a heterosexual hen who died of fright.
Dagny- sadly, a suicidal goat.
Doozy- Dagny’s twin sister whose proclivities included peeing on tavern floors.

It all started on Mother’s Day when, upon returning from gift shopping with the family, we brought home a weedeater, lawnmower and a garbage disposal; in other words, 2 goats and a baby piglet. The goats, Dagney and Doozy, were tethered in the front yard and given their assigned task of mowing the lawn. A pen of pallets was built for “Annie” (Anastasia) in anticipation of her coming into season and becoming amorous. Jude/Judy started playing a game with Shiloh in which she/he would entice Shiloh to pull her/his tail. Josie was not into the tail-pulling game and when chased by Shiloh assumed “room-temperature”. Deader than a fried mule was Josie. Dagney, not to be outdone by Josie, promptly hanged herself on her tether. Goat stew, was Dagney.

The stars of this story, Shiloh, the dog, and Doozy, the goat, became closer than nature ever intended, even sleeping together on the front porch. This pairing was never fully consummated, as far as we know, but, nevertheless, a sordid affair. Doozy, never the shy one, started escaping to the Tavern across the street. She would walk in, pee on the floor and then make her merry way backĀ  home. A mahem of mixed-up, madcap, mildly-disfunctional, mixed-marriage of a modern menagarie.

Two weeks before his scheduled nuetering, Shiloh, the dog, eloped with Doozy, the “floor-peeing” goat. A “high-and-low” search ensued across the entire ridge! Calling upon Native American tracking skills, we were able to trace their movements. OK, OK! Actually, we asked the neighbors if the “odd-couple” had been seen. They had. Did they really think they could remain anonomous?

About three or four miles from home, Doozy and Shiloh committed the first felony of this spree. They were guilty of “Breaking and Entering” a neighbors home. The lady of the house was cooking dinner when out of the corner of her eye she spotted lifeforms not usually found in a kitchen. After recovering her composure, she fed the desperados. Shiloh dined on Cornish Game Hens while Doozy helped herself to the salad bowl generously laid at her feet. After their four-star dining, the lovebirds slinked off, never to be heard from again. In all fairness, we must attribue some canine loyalty to Shiloh. He did make one more cameo appearance the very night before his appointment with the Vet. We never quite knew if it was an attempt to rectify his behavior or just a final farewell. He left that night to return to his love.

We check the mailbox daily hoping against hope for some word from our missing four-legged family members.

More animal stories to follow.

Tom Vickers and LaVerna Huey