FRANKENWOMAN…


HELLO GENTLE READERS,

I’ve often, in idle moments, conjured up the “perfect” woman. You know, combining the features and traits of various members of the Distaff gender: J-Lo’s butt, Carmen Diaz’ legs, Goldie Hawn’s laugh, Madame Curie’s brain, or the boobs of any Hooter’s waitress. Their “Greatest Hits”, so to speak. I’m sure that women do this same exercise regarding men. As an exercise in horror, I’ve decided to “reverse-engineer” this process to develop the least desirable woman. Brrrr! Here goes:

1.Barbara Streisan’s nose.
2.Courtney Love’s sense of moderation.
3.Paris Hilton’s purpose in life.
4.Brittney Spears’ parenting skills.
5.Roseanne Barr’s figure.
6.Yoko Ono’s singing voice.
7.Cher’s Plastic Surgery tab.
8.Martha Stewart’s arrest record.
9.Grace Slick’s booze capacity
10.Joan Rivers’ annoying voice.
11.Barbara Wa-Wa’s diction.
12.Mata Hari’s honesty.
13.Liz Taylor’s capacity for commitment.
14.Mother Teresa’s sex drive.
15.Heidi Fleiss’ phone bill.
16.Hillary Clinton’s subtlety.

I know I could take this a little further but, I’m getting a little spooked.

Tom and LaVerna Vickers