Pop Tarts and Global Warning…

desert-landscapeHELLO GENTLE READERS,

As I’m w-w-w-writing this, it is about 19 degrees with a wind chill of about absolute zero. I’d like to hold a meeting of the GLOBAL WARMING SOCIETY on the front porch this morning.

Is this a great time to be alive or what? All the cool stuff that’s available now just blows me away; “Whole-Wheat” Pop Tarts, High-Speed Internet, the new Blackberry “Bold” (it’s awesome!), Satellite TV, the Hubble Telescope, Wii games, Mars Rovers, Febreze, Starbuck’s, drug-enhanced Home-run records, CSPAN, CNN Headline News and heart stents.

Now I’m excited about Fuel-Cell cars (will my new Denali take regular or premium Hydrogen?). Dear God, I keep hearing all the horror stories about Global Warming and it does concern me. Don’t get me wrong–I am a Mid-Level Environmentalist (don’t even think about touching my air conditioning). I guess I’ve gotten to that “I need creature comforts” (lots and lots of ’em) stage of middle-age (I think “roughing-it” is slow room service or “Black and White” TV). I’m sorry, but I NEED GLOBAL WARMING, Darn it! I have a touch of arthritis and I need the warmth. Winters here in Appalachia need corrective measures! I don’t want to lose my “Mid-Level” Environmentalist staus but my left knee loves Exxon and Dow Chemical!

I’m sorry, but, since Vioxx became deadly I haven’t found a suitable substitute. Please forgive me! I need Global Warming! Dust off the Lawn Chairs and come on over, Ya’ll.

Tom Vickers