Real Estate Jewelry…


HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Well, I guess it’s official–the Nicholas County, WV winters win. After 100″ of snow (so far) this year, we give up. So, we’re looking for property at a lower elevation. Therein lies a tale.

After seeing, on the internet, a parcel of 30 acres of land (with house) for sale in balmy Roane County, WV, we called the Realtor for directions so we could do a drive-by. We have horses so we can sometimes include or exclude property as being equine-worthy at a glance. The Realtor was adament that we needed her to take us “out there“. “Out there” was not a casual use of the King’s English, it was a supreme understatememt. We followed the Realtor on a sorta’ paved road for so many miles that we both started humming the theme from The Twilight Zone. Then we turned right on a sorta’ gravel-paved road and followed it across several Zip Codes. Then we turned left on a dirt road. I mean we were hell-and-gone past both Bumfuck and East Asshole, WV.

When the Realtor pulled off the side of the road at our destination, we just looked at one another. There in front of us was a Unabomber shack complete with a fine assortment of yapping, jumping, peeing, albino terrior dogs.

In for a penny-in for a pound, we proceeded to the yard where one of the albino creatures promptly peed on LaVerna’s leg. We were greeted by a friendly, grizzled sort of fellow that you often see at gun shows. The first words out of his mouth were, “I’m gonna’ be honest with ya’, I can show you’ins the house, but I can’t show the property; I’m wearing an ankle bracelet and can’t go more than 150′ from the house. See that there tree that fell? I can only cut up half of it or the law will be out here on me. My wife, she has to live in another house with her ankle bracelet!” I suppose hers is the one with the rhinestones.

Taking us inside, where even more albino creatures abounded, we were introduced to Bebe, the resident schizophrenic. Enough! Since I don’t have a permit to carry a concealed weapon, I started pointing to my watch and telling LaVerna, we need to get home to feed the horses.

Looking for real estate in West Virginia is sometimes tiring, sometimes dangerous, but never dull.

Tom and LaVerna Vickers