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It’s true! Even the small, idyllic town of Nettie, WV must endure the reality of crime. A “letter thief” has plagued Nettie for the past week or so. This is very disconcerting to residents who recently experienced the Somalian Piracy escapade on Summersville Lake.

The Police Department has narrowed the suspect list down to those individuals with a third-grade education or better. Also under suspicion is the nation of France. “Those damn Frenchies have been using more than their share of the alphabet for years! Just look at how many letters they use to spell Fido. F-I-D-E-A-U-X! The waste just sickens you.” said Billy Bob Armyboot.

Robert C. Byrd, the Senator from the Great State of West Virginia, vowed to apply all the resources at his disposal to get to the bottom of this crime wave.

Tom Vickers and LaVerna Huey