Ever since the Mariner Mission beamed back those intriguing pictures of Cydonia, Mars, NASA has had some ‘splainin’ to do. How do you ‘splain away a monumental face, a pyramid and an apparent temple complex? ”It’s a play of light and shadows”, they tell us. Where have we heard this before? Oh yeah, Project Blue Book. Was that book really blue? Noooo! Not much credibility there, huh? Well, the following will clear this up and put the Wormwood back in your Absinthe!

It is not, I repeat not, a temple complex. It’s a Strip Mall. As far as we know, the first in the Solar System. While it may take a manned mission to determine what stores the ancient Martians favored, we can make some educated guesses. Of course, it must have a Starbuck’s. And, no Strip Mall would be complete without a Nail Salon, Dollar Tree, Barnes & Noble and a detached McDonalds. We must assume that the Martians also enjoyed “Rolling Back Prices” so, the anchor store was probably a Wal Mart. What about the Face, you ask? It may be the archiac prototype of Chucky Cheese. Yes, life really is a circle!

I hope that when we finally step down on Cydonian soil, we stumble upon the Martian “Rosetta stone”. If not, I suggest going to the YOU ARE HERE sign and take it from there!

Tom and LaVerna Vickers